Comments on: Twizzlers, Makes Baby Jesus Cry

By: Naofaru

Naofaru — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 23:59:32 +0000

I kinda like these i think they are good

By: AIKlepto

AIKlepto — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:49:50 +0000

I stole a pack of these, with much excitement. The flavors and colors intrigued me. I got home to test my hot candy; opened the package to a wonderful torrent of scents that left my kleptomania-corrupted olfactory senses orgasming in the wait for the orgasmic flavor that these babies would have (since the scent was so great). Popped ;em in my mouth…. I was utterly repulsed. I felt terrible because I went into the whole ordeal with high expectations, only to be crushed like When your ever-loving Grandmother buys you a Christmas present that is either broken, you have it already, or just plain sucks. I made it through to the last stick, which I did not finish. That was spit out of my mouth quicker than a whore leaving a church. I burned (literally) the packaging.

The next day-

My very loving and amazingly forgiving Grandmother purchased me these. I believe a tear cascaded from my superior lacrimal punctum, as she so kindly handed me the beautifully deceitful pack of pure evil, with much love. I couldn’t break it to her that they were evil deviations ranking among the highest of all terrible things- the likes of the Holocaust, the governmental, economical, and social state of the US and the current problem in Darfur. I think I prefer helping The Vatican’s new additions to the “sin list” becoming world laws, helping ban birth control in Africa to speed up the HIV rate and kill an entire continent. THAT would be more pleasant than tasting these devious fuckers again.

Don’t waste your money, and don’t risk getting sent to jail for even stealing these (like me).

Sincerely,

-AIKlepto

By: Cameron

Cameron — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 01:51:44 +0000

What are you talking about? This isn’t my favorite candy but they are perfectly fine. A few of the flavors are really really good.

By: Mo

Mo — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 23:04:01 +0000

I dont know what your all going on about i love this candy! my only things that the flavors could be a bit stronger. and could be a bit more tart… and yummy… and… (grabs keys runs out to car and takes off to nearest gas station to buy some)

By: Bren

Bren — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 23:16:08 +0000

I’ve had them, they’re not great, but it’s not liek they are terrible or anything.

By: Carol

Carol — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 19:07:16 +0000

I tried these yesterday and they were vile. Your review was funny, but would’ve been funnier had you not misspelled “watermelon” about a hundred times.

By: Peggy

Peggy — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:22:44 +0000

OMG, I just about wet my pants laughing so hard. Makes me just want to run out and buy this candy. lol

By: Cory

Cory — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 02:10:18 +0000

This is the funniest candy review I’ve ever read. My favorite line had to be “I did some testing and exhaled on my kitchen table, and buffed it to a streak free shine” (under lemonade).

By: Melanie Marie

Melanie Marie — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:25:41 +0000

You are too funny!

Part of me wants to try them to see if they are REALLY that bad (but I’m going to trust you on this one!)

By: cybele

cybele — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 17:40:50 +0000

Oh man! I love this post.

I just tried them all. I didn’t have such a negative reaction to them, but I enjoyed yours.